One Troubled Adult Child a Drag on Parents' Mental
THURSDAY, Aug. 12 (HealthDay News) -- It may be a cliché, but
it's true: Parents never stop worrying about their children's
troubles, even when they're all grown up.
But even when parents have a mix of successful and
not-so-successful adult children, the heartache they suffer over
one dysfunctional kid's problems isn't offset by positive feelings
from the accomplishments of their other offspring, a new study
"What this study really shows is that for parents, it's very hard to see your children struggle," said lead author Karen Fingerman, a professor in gerontology, developmental and family studies at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind.
Fingerman co-authored the study along with researchers at the
University of Michigan and Pennsylvania State University. The
findings were to be presented Thursday at the annual meeting of the
American Psychological Association, in San Diego.
Although prior research has shown that parents report lower
well-being when their grown children have problems, and feel better
emotionally when their kids are successful, Fingerman said no one
had looked at how parents are affected when they have a mix of
problematic and successful children. "We were kind of hoping for
the opposite result, but it's pretty consistent with the literature
on negative emotions," she said.
For the study, the researchers collected telephone survey
results from 633 middle-aged parents in the Philadelphia area, who
rated each of their grown children's achievements in relationships,
family life, education and career. The parents were asked whether
each of their adult children had experienced a list of problems
within the past two years, and to rate each child's successes
compared to other adults the same age. The parents were also asked
about their own psychological well-being, and were questioned
regarding the kind of relationship they had with their
The researchers considered two categories of problems: lifestyle
and behavior problems that were due to the person's own actions
("voluntary"), such as trouble with the law, drinking or drug
problems, and financial difficulties; and physical and emotional
problems, such as a disability or serious health issue
Most of the parents surveyed had two or more children, and
roughly three-quarters of them reported having a mix of children
experiencing problems and children experiencing successes.
The researchers found that parents who had more than one highly
successful child reported better well-being. However, having even
one problematic child had a negative impact on the parent's mental
health, even if their other children were successful. The findings
were the same for both categories of problems.
Having one or more successful children was
not associated with any boost in well being if a problematic
child was also part of the mix. "Thus, it may be true that parents
are only as happy as their least happy child," the authors
"One bad apple really does seem to spoil the barrel," said Adam Davey, associate professor of public health in the College of Health Professions and Social Work at Temple University. "What this study shows is that it takes many successful children to offset the negative consequences of one child with problems."
Fingerman said parents who are stressed because of one child's
troubles "are attending so much to the negative, that they tend to
overlook the positive. If they can make an effort to focus on the
rewards they get from their other children, that can be
Davey's advice to parents: Try to step back and not be as
involved in your grown children's lives.
"To the extent that parents can separate the events of their own lives from those of their children, avoid blaming themselves for the children's experiences, or feeling an overwhelming need to 'fix' the problem, they are likely to fare better," said Davey.
Parenting tips are at hand at the
American Academy of Family Physicians.
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